I spend way too much of my time with my foot in my mouth. Not literally. I am not one of those disgusting people who nibbles toenails or toe cuticles or whatever it is those toe-chewers do (my apologies if you’re a foot-eater but seriously … that habit is cute in babies only).
I’m talking about social clangers: forgetting names, talking too much, over-revealing, asking people unwanted questions, unknowingly joking about sensitive topics. Not just talking too much, but sort of feverishly. Fast and full of irrelevant detail, wandering off topic, and forgetting what topic I started on as it dawns on me how crazy I’m sounding and the heat rises up in my face. This mainly happens when I’m a bit nervous, but can happen any time. In the supermarket. At a meeting. At a party.
I’ve asked a few friends about this foot-in-mouth thing, including people who are outwardly confident, and they swear they often feel awkward, but I find it hard to believe. They can’t be as dorky as I am. I wonder if they’re telling me they’re nerdy out of kindness (poor Fi, let’s all tell her we’re also dorky so she won’t feel so alone).
It seems ridiculous that I should be on the verge of buying orthopaedic shoes and yet I’m still as inept as kid. I wonder if I’ll ever become wise and sage and venerable. Serene and calm and collected. I picture myself gliding into rooms, smiling and nodding, saying and doing exactly the right thing. Definitely not asking the lady whose new baby is five months old how far along she is.
I suspect it is my lot in life to blunder about, treading on toes and shoving mine into my gob in the process. Making those around me shake their heads but perhaps also stand a little taller, feel a little better about themselves.
It’s just a community service I provide.
Do you also suffer from Foot-in-Mouth? I’d love to hear.
If not, please help with anti-dork tips.